I felt my problem was major but as it turns out, I've been getting duped with the oldest game in the book. I felt like such a punk, then I got a bit ticked off. Nothing like a little anger to motivate action--I got these tips from a social worker friend:
1.) Don't cut them off all of a sudden.
I tried this. For a while it worked, then it didn't and I wondered why. Turns out, this is one of best ways to further exacerbate the situation. Mr./Mrs. Toxicity will only be further motivated to pursue you. Instead, set boundaries and penalties for when they're crossed. This will require you to be firm, so put on you big girl shoes.
2.) Don't try to fix them.
Think a little love and compassion is all the world needs? Guess what Ms. Sunshine--you're wrong!
OK, that's a bit harsh but understand that poisonous people will rarely admit fault. They will play the victim and manipulate their way back into control of the relationship. 'Fixing' them is a lost cause that will leave you running in circles. They won't change until they decide to change themselves.
3.) Set boundaries.
Start setting boundaries and letting the person know when their actions bother you and why they're inappropriate. Talking about what bothers you shifts the power dynamic to your favor. And it all really boils down to an issue with power.
4.) Spend less time with them.
Get busy--go back to school, travel, hang out with friends, anything that will fill your schedule. The more time you spend having fun or hanging out with people that keep you laughing, the easier it will be to say no to your toxic 'friend'. Once you know how relationships are supposed to feel, it's easy to not want to be around anyone toxic. The less time you spend with them, the less control they have on you.
5.) Detach emotionally.
4.) Spend less time with them.
Get busy--go back to school, travel, hang out with friends, anything that will fill your schedule. The more time you spend having fun or hanging out with people that keep you laughing, the easier it will be to say no to your toxic 'friend'. Once you know how relationships are supposed to feel, it's easy to not want to be around anyone toxic. The less time you spend with them, the less control they have on you.
5.) Detach emotionally.
Toxic people are often smart, funny, and charismatic on the surface, but its a different story once you get to know their true personality.
Once you realize a relationship is toxic, its easier to detach yourself from the situation and their negative energy. The sad truth is, unhappy people exist--they don't make you feel loved, inspired, or happy. You can't save them. Let them go.
AP86 added:
6.) Don't be like them.
Sounds like something your mom told you as a kid/teen, right? You forgot though. Shame.
Notice yourself becoming increasingly negative, gossipy, jealous, depressed, etc? They got you! You've almost lost the game, but if you can identify those traits in yourself, you can change them. Don't get trapped, don't be a dumping ground, run for the hills!
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